Wishes

I wish I was the girl who didnt care.
I wish it was me who you wanted there.
I wish I didnt always think about you
I wish I knew what to do.

I dream about you always.
I think about what could have been.
Fairy tales arent real.
Yet here I am.

Sometimes I wish that I could let things blow over easily. but Ive never been one good with emotions and feelings and just trying to let things not get to me or to over think things. Ever since I was little Ive been like this. I dove into my music, my books or movies to ignore how I felt. I learned to express my feelings in other ways like sports to get out my frustrations, or music or my writing. Growing up not much has changed except Ive only learned how to perfect that expression.

Ive been thinking alot about my high school years. I dont know whether I would want to relive them like most people say. I was very misunderstood still trying to learn how to be social. I knew everyone and was involved in everything but I think Im realizing I only did that to make me feel like I was liked by everyone when in reality I was flipping annoying. But Im okay with that I was a nerd and thats my past. Except now Im starting to find alot of similarties between my past and now. Ive always envied my siblings because they get along so well with well EVERYONE they never have problems making friends. And alot of times they have to apologize to their friends for me. I often find myself wondering what I could do different or how should I have handled that differently? But alas Im still stuck.

Why is it so easy for some and for me I feel like I always have to fight for well, everything? Sometimes I really sruggle with the way to react. Especially my temper. Its hard for me to hold back when I get angry about things cause when I do Ill end up taking it out on everyone else and thats not fair!...