Ive always been one of those people who can really feel. I love to watch movies, read books and listen to music because I believe I'm a very passionate person. I feel every thought, feeling or emotion going on. The reason I have always loved to sing is because I can feel the emotion behind the music. Thats why I LOVE musical theater so much. Because the ballads in shows are so overwhelming. You don't even need to hear the lyrics you can just feel all the emotion behind it. I believe it is so beautiful.
For instance it is so beautiful the emotion in this song! You can feel it all the pain the suffering the hope and etc... Man I think Les Miserables has to be my most favorite play of all time! The emotions are so strong and over powering.
I'm definitely that girl who cries in movies or TV shows, hell I even cry when I read a good book! I draw to it so much I love it though. I love that part of me and I will never let anyone take that away from me.
I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other night and Christina said something in one of the episodes that I was like "WOW that is so true" she said how in her last relationship she molded herself and changed herself to fit and be right for this guy and before she knew it there was no Christina left. That when he left her he took pieces of her with him and that she would never allow a guy to do that again. It made me realize that I'm very similar to that. I mold myself into what others want me to be instead of being me. Why should I conform to what he wants when I should be enough? If I'm not enough then he doesn't deserve me right? I mean thats what I think. Don't you?
Lately I have been thinking alot about relationships. What is a healthy relationship? Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship? I mean we are our past right? So then we bring our past into our relationships so unless we have dealt with our past we cant have a healthy relationship right? So some people like me bring my daddy issues into it. While others bring issues of insecurity, unlovability, sadness, baggage of all sorts and etc. So what is healthy?
This is the way I feel alot of time. I totally understand her in this song. I am one who tends to fall for those who never feel anything back for me and in my head I over analyze things that arent even there and so I create this world that he likes me when hes only been kind. So this song is the story of my life. Ive never been proud of being this girl who holds on to the hope of something happening one day when in reality it never will at least not this way or with him. Though I will say I get alot of really good poetry amd ,usic out of it! Im tired of being the girl whos upset when you talk to other girls, getting jealous of everyone, being insecure because your not around, mad when you dont show up or hang out, tired of womdering what your doing every moment of every day or when your not with me. Why cant I be loved back the way I love you?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Wishes
I wish I was the girl who didnt care.
I wish it was me who you wanted there.
I wish I didnt always think about you
I wish I knew what to do.
I dream about you always.
I think about what could have been.
Fairy tales arent real.
Yet here I am.
Sometimes I wish that I could let things blow over easily. but Ive never been one good with emotions and feelings and just trying to let things not get to me or to over think things. Ever since I was little Ive been like this. I dove into my music, my books or movies to ignore how I felt. I learned to express my feelings in other ways like sports to get out my frustrations, or music or my writing. Growing up not much has changed except Ive only learned how to perfect that expression.
Ive been thinking alot about my high school years. I dont know whether I would want to relive them like most people say. I was very misunderstood still trying to learn how to be social. I knew everyone and was involved in everything but I think Im realizing I only did that to make me feel like I was liked by everyone when in reality I was flipping annoying. But Im okay with that I was a nerd and thats my past. Except now Im starting to find alot of similarties between my past and now. Ive always envied my siblings because they get along so well with well EVERYONE they never have problems making friends. And alot of times they have to apologize to their friends for me. I often find myself wondering what I could do different or how should I have handled that differently? But alas Im still stuck.
Why is it so easy for some and for me I feel like I always have to fight for well, everything? Sometimes I really sruggle with the way to react. Especially my temper. Its hard for me to hold back when I get angry about things cause when I do Ill end up taking it out on everyone else and thats not fair!...
I wish it was me who you wanted there.
I wish I didnt always think about you
I wish I knew what to do.
I dream about you always.
I think about what could have been.
Fairy tales arent real.
Yet here I am.
Sometimes I wish that I could let things blow over easily. but Ive never been one good with emotions and feelings and just trying to let things not get to me or to over think things. Ever since I was little Ive been like this. I dove into my music, my books or movies to ignore how I felt. I learned to express my feelings in other ways like sports to get out my frustrations, or music or my writing. Growing up not much has changed except Ive only learned how to perfect that expression.
Ive been thinking alot about my high school years. I dont know whether I would want to relive them like most people say. I was very misunderstood still trying to learn how to be social. I knew everyone and was involved in everything but I think Im realizing I only did that to make me feel like I was liked by everyone when in reality I was flipping annoying. But Im okay with that I was a nerd and thats my past. Except now Im starting to find alot of similarties between my past and now. Ive always envied my siblings because they get along so well with well EVERYONE they never have problems making friends. And alot of times they have to apologize to their friends for me. I often find myself wondering what I could do different or how should I have handled that differently? But alas Im still stuck.
Why is it so easy for some and for me I feel like I always have to fight for well, everything? Sometimes I really sruggle with the way to react. Especially my temper. Its hard for me to hold back when I get angry about things cause when I do Ill end up taking it out on everyone else and thats not fair!...
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